Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Stress and How I React To It

If the last 8 months has taught me anything it's how I react to stress even when I don't feel overly stressed.

I've been awake for about two and a half hours. I did some small projects in the van (see previous entries for today), had a cup of hot tea, a potassium supplement and a piece of toast. The neighbor behind me spotted me outside and chatted for a bit since he said he just heard yesterday that I was planning to live in the big van parked in my driveway (I guess he spoke to Dave across the street since he's really the only neighbor I talk to. As an aside I'm not sure how to feel about the neighborhood gossiping about me since I keep to myself and don't really interact with folks unless they corner me and then I only tell them stuff that I wouldn't care if it's repeated to the property management here in the hopes of buying me just a little more time). Said neighbor behind me expressed some concern for my well-being and also showed me his '77 Westfalia he's restoring. I came inside and watched a few Occupy videos from last nights eviction in Miami then headed back out to the van to continue organizing my shit.

While standing in the van I was overcome with nausea. The sprint between onset of nausea and getting inside to the bathroom was a close call as I began projectile vomiting. That's probably more info than you folks need to know but there it is. Apologies.

I'm not sick, don't feel under the weather, didn't eat anything that should have caused me to vomit - yet I did. I realize I am shouldering a bit of stress since I did have trouble eating yesterday and slept poorly last night but I really don't feel "stressed out" to a point where I'm overwhelmed. Yet . . . I know this is exactly what has caused this sudden purge and I can look back 8 months and see this is exactly how things started before. I seem to be on the fast track this time around since system purge came very late in the last stress reaction. I suffered many, many days of insomnia and inappetence before getting to this point. The question now becomes, How do I stop this before it drives me straight to the crevasse of insanity and back to the emergency room? Especially when I feel okay. If this is an early warning sign or I am fast tracking back to a full blown acute stress reaction and my situation is impossible to get around (meaning any step I take at this point is bound to cause some sort of stress reaction) then what am I to do?

1 comment:

  1. Cherry, you will lose the fear once you move in to the van...a venture in to the unknown is trepidation and fear...fear equals stress.